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Prenuptial Agreements: Cynical or Practical?
Blog Post by Debbie DiVito  -  02/02/2012 @ 10:00AM
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One of the major perks of living in New York City is that meeting friends to catch up over lunch is as simple as swiping my MetroCard®, taking a short ride, and skipping up a quick flight of stairs. Not long ago, during one of my many catch-up lunches, my friend Anna and I were (no surprise here) pontificating on life, love, and relationships, and Anna — who is happily, exclusively dating a wonderful guy — made a statement that caught me off guard...way off guard:

"I've come to terms with the fact that, at some point in my life, I will probably get divorced."

While Cinderella she certainly is not, is Anna's position on the matter a particularly bold or cynical one? Or, in this day and age, is accepting divorce as inevitable — even before walking down the aisle — dare I say it, practical?

For me personally, on the heels of my engagement and smack in the center of my wedding planning (we just finished creating our "Save the Date" cards!), a statement like that is a little uncomfortable to hear and extremely hard to swallow. It's not that I think my own relationship is fail-proof — I fully understand that no relationship is — but I like to think that my fiancé and I are being upfront, honest, and communicative to the necessary extent. We're having all the important conversations for the first time (How many children do we want?) and initiating on-going dialogues to last for years to come (How will we manage our finances?). 

While I don't have my head in the clouds, I'm certainly more optimistic than my friend Anna. But, generally speaking, is it just good common sense for brides- and grooms-to-be to take the precautionary measure and sign a prenuptial agreement? And if you sign one, does it mean you're being overly cynical, or worse, dooming your betrothal to ultimate failure?  Women & Co. is going to the experts to find out. Share your opinions below, and we'll keep them in mind as we develop our article that tells all you really need to know to answer the question, "Should I sign a prenup?"


11 Comments

Perhaps if we thought about a prenup like a living will it would seem more palatable. If you had the discussions about monies, inheritances, childrens education, what percentages of expences each would pay if one person was a 1% er and the other a 99% er. It would ease a lot of pressure in a marriage. If you can imagine someone living happily ever after surely you can imagine the opposite. And it would be happy for everyone to have many of these issues pre arranged. One member of a couple with children delay or stall their careers ($$$) and things become uneven and if a split occurs we all know how that may turn out. Bottom line use your imagine fully. I wish you all very successful marriages.
When you start off with nothing but love and determination a prenup would be silly, but if you are both independent "go getter" earners and have built substantial funds individually then I think a prenup would be fine. If the marriage ends you both leave with what you came in with at the time of your marriage. I feel that a post prenup later in the marriage might be a grand idea especially when the woman leaves work to stay home to have children. It is just a form of financial protection for her in the event the marriage fails.
My fiance and I consulted a lawyer on whether or not we should consider a prenup. In our case: coming into the marriage at a young age and both of us only a year or two into our careers, he said it probably wasn't necessary. If we were older and had built up more in savings, we probably would have opted for one. I love my fiance and will do everything to make it work, but you just really never know. I doubt all of the individuals who ended up divorced planned to end up that way.
A woman and a man, when bonded together in marriage does not have a blood relation between them, but the strength of this relationship is built upon : faith, respect for each other, trust and above all love.This cannot be transformed or written down in the form of a legal document/ agreement. Or documenting the same would not help any part to keep it safe+continued. I agree with Cindy on the part, as in my case too, to get married when you are young. The plus point is that you grow together and face the ups and downs of life together, this brings you much closer. Just after a year of our marraige my husband's company abolished their business, then my husband started his own business. At that point and time, I was thinking of leaving my job and start the family, but I had to support and keep working till his business got started. Today, after 18 years of married life, I have a house an independant car of my own, two kids going to the best school of the town, my husband is running his own business and I'm still working, and we are happy and proud of our achievements. I thank my God for all the blessings, and I'm thankful to my parents who brought me up this way.
This is a sticky one in today's day and age. But, I'm with you... I'd like to focus on making my marriage work versus planning for its failure!

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About Debbie DiVito

Content Manager
As Content Manager, Debbie is responsible for creating original editorial content for Women & Co. In her role, Debbie couples more than seven years’ experience supporting clients in the financial services industry with her passion for writing about important financial concepts in a way that is both unintimidating and fun. Debbie is a Certified Public Accountant, has undergraduate degrees in Finance, Multinational Business Operations, and Spanish from The Florida State University, and holds a Masters degree in Accounting from The University of Virginia.